buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
