I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
