I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
