I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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