then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
