weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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