DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
