They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
two words: eviction party
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
