so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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