It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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