it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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