my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
honey bunches of taint.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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