yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
