DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
