dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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