I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
