yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
