tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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