doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
