You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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