I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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