I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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