just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
