Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
