Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
