thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
