hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
