please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
