Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
