Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
