I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
