And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize