i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
