I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
