he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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