Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just got carded by a ten year old.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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