I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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