Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just want to make out with him forever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
