When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
