we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
