i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
