You really coming over, don't trick.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
