Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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