Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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