He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
