You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
