That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
