Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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