so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
