well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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