somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
