My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk is a universal language darling
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
