Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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