My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
