ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
