If i come over, it means nothing
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
