they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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