we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
