I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
