wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
