i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
