i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize