she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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