How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
