1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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