the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
