ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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