Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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