i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She bit a glass in half.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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