Someone shit on the floor
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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