Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
