i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
