If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
