i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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