She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
