I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
