Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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