there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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