I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
