My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
