I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
