Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
