I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
