It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
