"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
