matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
