those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
