My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize