we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
