I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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