Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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