My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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