i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
